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Tuesday, December 27, 2011
Saturday, November 12, 2011
What if Your Healing Comes Through Tears?
There is a song that plays on the radio frequently, sung by Brit Nicole and written by Lara Story. The song is called "Blessings," and there was a time not long ago in which I absolutely hated the song. The following is the excerpt I found distressing:
Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise...?
I hated the idea that pain and suffering could be God's way of answering prayers, but my impressions changed drastically two months ago when my dad went into the hospital for chest pains.
You see, over the course of this summer, I prayed a regular prayer for my parents. I prayed that God would keep them healthy and give them long life. I recorded this prayer countless times in my daily prayer journal.
Then, I get the phone call that Dad is in the hospital, he had chest pains, and they are running tests to see if he had a heart attack. The tests turned into a catheterization, which then led to open heart surgery. My dad had five by-passes sewn into the arteries leading to his heart. But, from the moment I knew my dad had gone to the emergency room for the chest pain, I prayed that God would not let him out of the hospital until everything in his body was fixed. I hated to wish for my dad to have such an intrusive surgery, but I felt deep within myself that I would prefer that than to have him sent home only to have a massive heart attack follow in time. So, I prayed for the doctors to find the problem with Dad's heart and to correct it.
The most difficult days of my dad's life, and I would say my mom's and mine, and our entire family's, ensued. Seeing my dad off to enter surgery was the most emotional moment of my life, and then seeing him afterwards, when he was still hooked up to the breathing tube and coming out of anasthesia, puffy and clammy, was traumatic as can be. Yet, I knew within myself in those moments that God's blessing was coming through these tears and God's healing would come from this pain that my dad was feeling. I am certain, that as difficult as this experience was for my family, it was an answer to prayer.
Now, eight weeks have passed since my dad's surgery, and he looks better than he has in years. He has lost thirty or more pounds, he is eating healthy, exercising, and I am just so proud of how diligent and spirited he has been about his recovery. Now, he is ready to welcome his new grandson into the world in a little over a month, and I am so thankful to God because I know He is answering my prayer for my parents, for health and a long life, especially because this experience has also encouraged my mom to change her lifestyle, as well.
Now, I understand Lara Story's song. Now, I appreciate that God's blessings can come through tears and His healing can come through pain, and it isn't a bad thing, after all.
Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise...?
I hated the idea that pain and suffering could be God's way of answering prayers, but my impressions changed drastically two months ago when my dad went into the hospital for chest pains.
You see, over the course of this summer, I prayed a regular prayer for my parents. I prayed that God would keep them healthy and give them long life. I recorded this prayer countless times in my daily prayer journal.
Then, I get the phone call that Dad is in the hospital, he had chest pains, and they are running tests to see if he had a heart attack. The tests turned into a catheterization, which then led to open heart surgery. My dad had five by-passes sewn into the arteries leading to his heart. But, from the moment I knew my dad had gone to the emergency room for the chest pain, I prayed that God would not let him out of the hospital until everything in his body was fixed. I hated to wish for my dad to have such an intrusive surgery, but I felt deep within myself that I would prefer that than to have him sent home only to have a massive heart attack follow in time. So, I prayed for the doctors to find the problem with Dad's heart and to correct it.
The most difficult days of my dad's life, and I would say my mom's and mine, and our entire family's, ensued. Seeing my dad off to enter surgery was the most emotional moment of my life, and then seeing him afterwards, when he was still hooked up to the breathing tube and coming out of anasthesia, puffy and clammy, was traumatic as can be. Yet, I knew within myself in those moments that God's blessing was coming through these tears and God's healing would come from this pain that my dad was feeling. I am certain, that as difficult as this experience was for my family, it was an answer to prayer.
Now, eight weeks have passed since my dad's surgery, and he looks better than he has in years. He has lost thirty or more pounds, he is eating healthy, exercising, and I am just so proud of how diligent and spirited he has been about his recovery. Now, he is ready to welcome his new grandson into the world in a little over a month, and I am so thankful to God because I know He is answering my prayer for my parents, for health and a long life, especially because this experience has also encouraged my mom to change her lifestyle, as well.
Now, I understand Lara Story's song. Now, I appreciate that God's blessings can come through tears and His healing can come through pain, and it isn't a bad thing, after all.
Wednesday, August 3, 2011
Grace even in Doubt
"It is grace, grace, grace. God does it all. Ours is only to believe. Even the faith to believe is of grace. It is all of grace...By grace, and grace alone, we approach God and receive the things which we need--whether spiritual, emotional or physical."
~Kay Arthur, from Lord, I Need Grace to Make it Today~
I made a risky decision when I resigned from one job without having secured another. People don't typically do that, but I felt confident at the time that God would provide for me. My confidence was bolstered when I secured an interview within a week or so of leaving the first position. However, after confirming my pregnancy, and openly and willingly informing my prospective employer of this fact, and then getting rejected, I began to worry about whether I really could secure employment, in my new condition, as it were.
In the coming weeks I procured another interview, and this time, the prospective employer informed me that I was one of three top candidates for the position. But, alas, the door was closed to me again. All the while, I had been praying for God to open the right door at the right place, and I conversed with Him about my utter and total trust in his sovereign plan for my life. If I could not acquire employment, I had to believe that there was some reason, some part of his ultimate plan which would justify further rejection on my part. Some loving members of my inner circle suggested that maybe God's will was for me to stay at home, so I prayed about it. Lord, if it is your will that I don't work, please provide for my growing family. Yet, my husband and I never felt at peace with that possibility. Neither sensed God's prodding for me to not work.
Then, I received a phone call soliciting another, third interview for a third potential position. I left the interview feeling as though it was my best so far, but the following morning, doubt washed over me. There is no way anyone is going to want to hire a pregnant lady. I cried, feeling rejected without knowing whether I was, in fact, rejected, and wallowed in my despair. I pleaded with God. I second guessed my interview performance. I began to wonder whether I was as exceptional a candidate for a position as I had led myself to believe. At this point, however, my faith in God's sovereignty began to crumble. My dissolution clouded my spiritual vision. Faith yielded to despair.
And then the phone rang.
And the most perfect position for me at this stage in my life was offered to me. This is a job, which I believe, God strategically tailored for me. You see, when I interviewed for this position, I thought, This is too perfect. I mean, this is exactly the job I need, exactly the job I want, and for that reason, I am not going to get it. I mean after all, if it appeared to be something heaven sent, it likely would not actually be something heaven sent. But thank God for "grace, grace, grace"! In the moment when I lost the faith to believe, God granted my true desire, in spite of me.
Praise the Lord! He is far better than good! And his grace abounds, rather, it pulsates and penetrates. When there seems to be no hope or no way, He dashes forth, clad in shining armor and saves the day! Thank you, God. Your provision and your ways are perfect!
~Kay Arthur, from Lord, I Need Grace to Make it Today~
I made a risky decision when I resigned from one job without having secured another. People don't typically do that, but I felt confident at the time that God would provide for me. My confidence was bolstered when I secured an interview within a week or so of leaving the first position. However, after confirming my pregnancy, and openly and willingly informing my prospective employer of this fact, and then getting rejected, I began to worry about whether I really could secure employment, in my new condition, as it were.
In the coming weeks I procured another interview, and this time, the prospective employer informed me that I was one of three top candidates for the position. But, alas, the door was closed to me again. All the while, I had been praying for God to open the right door at the right place, and I conversed with Him about my utter and total trust in his sovereign plan for my life. If I could not acquire employment, I had to believe that there was some reason, some part of his ultimate plan which would justify further rejection on my part. Some loving members of my inner circle suggested that maybe God's will was for me to stay at home, so I prayed about it. Lord, if it is your will that I don't work, please provide for my growing family. Yet, my husband and I never felt at peace with that possibility. Neither sensed God's prodding for me to not work.
Then, I received a phone call soliciting another, third interview for a third potential position. I left the interview feeling as though it was my best so far, but the following morning, doubt washed over me. There is no way anyone is going to want to hire a pregnant lady. I cried, feeling rejected without knowing whether I was, in fact, rejected, and wallowed in my despair. I pleaded with God. I second guessed my interview performance. I began to wonder whether I was as exceptional a candidate for a position as I had led myself to believe. At this point, however, my faith in God's sovereignty began to crumble. My dissolution clouded my spiritual vision. Faith yielded to despair.
And then the phone rang.
And the most perfect position for me at this stage in my life was offered to me. This is a job, which I believe, God strategically tailored for me. You see, when I interviewed for this position, I thought, This is too perfect. I mean, this is exactly the job I need, exactly the job I want, and for that reason, I am not going to get it. I mean after all, if it appeared to be something heaven sent, it likely would not actually be something heaven sent. But thank God for "grace, grace, grace"! In the moment when I lost the faith to believe, God granted my true desire, in spite of me.
Praise the Lord! He is far better than good! And his grace abounds, rather, it pulsates and penetrates. When there seems to be no hope or no way, He dashes forth, clad in shining armor and saves the day! Thank you, God. Your provision and your ways are perfect!
Monday, July 11, 2011
The Joy of the Lord is my Strength
"Do not grieve, for the joy of the Lord is your strength." ~from Nehemiah 8:10, NIV~
I have recently found myself in the midst of some personal battles, and while staggering forth with battered shield in hand, I have become weary and more vulnerable to unseen perils that gather with force to surround me. The more I focus on the pressure of the attack against me, the more tempted I become to surrender in defeat, but this morning, while in prayer, I remembered the words of Nehemiah, "The joy of the Lord is your strength," and I asked the Lord for a renewed allocation of joy. Then, I believe, guided by the spirit, I developed the following list of things I am thankful for, and this list has fortified me against the assault of my enemy:
I am thankful for...
1. God's word, God's love, God's provision, God's grace, and God's plan
2. my husband's loyalty to me and provision for me
3. the baby growing inside of me
4. my beautiful home
5. our cars
6. the fact that I no longer have to commute an hour to work and an hour home
7. my superior therapist
8. leisure and time to relax, reflect, and re-energize
9. books, movies, and other diversions
10. my mom and dad and their proximity to me during this, my first ever, pregnancy
11. my cats and their health
12. emotional healing
13. my cognitive abilities: to read, to write, to study and analyze
14. my continued reports of good health and health for the fetus inside me at every doctor's visit
15. the sunny summer day
16. the trips I have been blessed to take and look back on with fondness
17. my church
18. the interview for a new job that I have on Wednesday and the hope it brings
19. friends and family who love and support me
20. the happy future that God has planned for me and my family, though I cannot see it from this vantage point
I have so much more to be thankful for than I have to bewail, and I praise you, God, for making me aware of that this morning. In Christ's name I pray. Amen.
I have recently found myself in the midst of some personal battles, and while staggering forth with battered shield in hand, I have become weary and more vulnerable to unseen perils that gather with force to surround me. The more I focus on the pressure of the attack against me, the more tempted I become to surrender in defeat, but this morning, while in prayer, I remembered the words of Nehemiah, "The joy of the Lord is your strength," and I asked the Lord for a renewed allocation of joy. Then, I believe, guided by the spirit, I developed the following list of things I am thankful for, and this list has fortified me against the assault of my enemy:
I am thankful for...
1. God's word, God's love, God's provision, God's grace, and God's plan
2. my husband's loyalty to me and provision for me
3. the baby growing inside of me
4. my beautiful home
5. our cars
6. the fact that I no longer have to commute an hour to work and an hour home
7. my superior therapist
8. leisure and time to relax, reflect, and re-energize
9. books, movies, and other diversions
10. my mom and dad and their proximity to me during this, my first ever, pregnancy
11. my cats and their health
12. emotional healing
13. my cognitive abilities: to read, to write, to study and analyze
14. my continued reports of good health and health for the fetus inside me at every doctor's visit
15. the sunny summer day
16. the trips I have been blessed to take and look back on with fondness
17. my church
18. the interview for a new job that I have on Wednesday and the hope it brings
19. friends and family who love and support me
20. the happy future that God has planned for me and my family, though I cannot see it from this vantage point
I have so much more to be thankful for than I have to bewail, and I praise you, God, for making me aware of that this morning. In Christ's name I pray. Amen.
Thursday, June 23, 2011
No Room for Anxiety Here
Psalm 145: 17-20 ~New International Version~
"The Lord is righteous in all his ways and loving toward all he has made. The Lord is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth. He fulfills the desires of all who fear him; he hears their cry and saves them. The Lord watches over all who love him, but all the wicked he will destroy."
I read these verses this morning, and I thought to myself, "There is absolutely no room for anxiety in light of this promise and this truth!" and there certainly isn't! As I was copying the verse into my journal this morning, my cat, Matilda, crawled up next to me. She often does this; she decides to snuggle when I am trying to study, and she curls up on top of the text I am reading or the journal on which I am trying to write. I usually just push her off of whatever it is she is usurping, but I do so lovingly, and proceed to caress her shedding white fur as she cuddles up next to my leg or hip (I typically sit on my bed to study). I read the first verse twice again, "The Lord is righteous in all his ways and loving toward all he has made," and I thought, "God made Matilda--He is loving toward her, as well." The thought warmed me because if I can acknowledge that the Lord is loving to Matilda, and he certainly is because she was a poor war torn orphan of a kitty when God put her in Phil's and my path to rescue her from the streets, then I can certainly acknowledge that God is loving towards me, a human, who God intentionally gave dominion over animals like Matilda.
But my favorite part of this passage is the part that states, "He fulfills the desires of all who fear him; he hears their cry and saves them." I can acknowledge that God will take care of my needs. He is God and omniscient and all knowing, of course he can do that, but the idea that he would fulfill my desires almost confounds me. Now, this could be interpreted in a few ways, semantically. It could mean that God will actually give those who love him the things they desire; however, an alternative could be that he is the fulfillment of our desires...that with him, we don't need to covet or grasp for what we want because he, God, is surely enough. Either way, God can take care of the yearning. He can lessen its power over us, and that is what I am trusting in today.
"The Lord is righteous in all his ways and loving toward all he has made. The Lord is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth. He fulfills the desires of all who fear him; he hears their cry and saves them. The Lord watches over all who love him, but all the wicked he will destroy."
I read these verses this morning, and I thought to myself, "There is absolutely no room for anxiety in light of this promise and this truth!" and there certainly isn't! As I was copying the verse into my journal this morning, my cat, Matilda, crawled up next to me. She often does this; she decides to snuggle when I am trying to study, and she curls up on top of the text I am reading or the journal on which I am trying to write. I usually just push her off of whatever it is she is usurping, but I do so lovingly, and proceed to caress her shedding white fur as she cuddles up next to my leg or hip (I typically sit on my bed to study). I read the first verse twice again, "The Lord is righteous in all his ways and loving toward all he has made," and I thought, "God made Matilda--He is loving toward her, as well." The thought warmed me because if I can acknowledge that the Lord is loving to Matilda, and he certainly is because she was a poor war torn orphan of a kitty when God put her in Phil's and my path to rescue her from the streets, then I can certainly acknowledge that God is loving towards me, a human, who God intentionally gave dominion over animals like Matilda.
But my favorite part of this passage is the part that states, "He fulfills the desires of all who fear him; he hears their cry and saves them." I can acknowledge that God will take care of my needs. He is God and omniscient and all knowing, of course he can do that, but the idea that he would fulfill my desires almost confounds me. Now, this could be interpreted in a few ways, semantically. It could mean that God will actually give those who love him the things they desire; however, an alternative could be that he is the fulfillment of our desires...that with him, we don't need to covet or grasp for what we want because he, God, is surely enough. Either way, God can take care of the yearning. He can lessen its power over us, and that is what I am trusting in today.
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
I am He who will Sustain You
Isaiah 46: 3-4 -New International Version-
"Listen to me...you whom I have upheld since you were conceived, and have carried since your birth. Even to your old age and gray hairs, I am he, I am he who will sustain you. I have made you and I will carry you; I will sustain you and I will rescue you."
I am no theologian. I am not informed on the Hebrew language and its direct translation into English. Therefore, I cannot provide a thorough explication of the verse above. I can, however, interpret its implications in English, and in so doing, I have been liberated in my own personal studies this morning.
I would like to place particular emphasis on the word sustain, as used in this passage. According to the Oxford English Dictionary, the verb sustain means "to strengthen or support physically or mentally," "to cause to continue or be prolonged for an extended period or without interruption," and "to represent convincingly, or to bear (the weight of an object) without breaking or falling."
I find that in my own life, I amble along, teetering and tottering beneath the weight of the amassing pressure I heap upon my own shoulders. I stumble and I cringe beneath the encumbrance which mushrooms over me, compressing my feeble body lower to the earth below me. What causes this mass to dominate me? Surely not God! Rather, my own stubborn efforts to bear the burden unassisted is the very force that inhales stale air into the ballooning load above me. Yet, this is not necessary--not at all! Because God has already promised to sustain me. He has promised to strengthen and support me, and he has promised to bear the weight of my burden, and he is more than capable of doing so without breaking or falling.
The awareness of God's presence in my time of anxiety is heartening. The realization that I do not have to force circumstances in order to support myself is exceedingly encouraging because the reality is that I do not have control over all of my affairs. But I do not need control when God is pulling the reigns. He is he who will sustain me. He has made me and he will carry me; he will sustain me and he will rescue me.
"Listen to me...you whom I have upheld since you were conceived, and have carried since your birth. Even to your old age and gray hairs, I am he, I am he who will sustain you. I have made you and I will carry you; I will sustain you and I will rescue you."
I am no theologian. I am not informed on the Hebrew language and its direct translation into English. Therefore, I cannot provide a thorough explication of the verse above. I can, however, interpret its implications in English, and in so doing, I have been liberated in my own personal studies this morning.
I would like to place particular emphasis on the word sustain, as used in this passage. According to the Oxford English Dictionary, the verb sustain means "to strengthen or support physically or mentally," "to cause to continue or be prolonged for an extended period or without interruption," and "to represent convincingly, or to bear (the weight of an object) without breaking or falling."
I find that in my own life, I amble along, teetering and tottering beneath the weight of the amassing pressure I heap upon my own shoulders. I stumble and I cringe beneath the encumbrance which mushrooms over me, compressing my feeble body lower to the earth below me. What causes this mass to dominate me? Surely not God! Rather, my own stubborn efforts to bear the burden unassisted is the very force that inhales stale air into the ballooning load above me. Yet, this is not necessary--not at all! Because God has already promised to sustain me. He has promised to strengthen and support me, and he has promised to bear the weight of my burden, and he is more than capable of doing so without breaking or falling.
The awareness of God's presence in my time of anxiety is heartening. The realization that I do not have to force circumstances in order to support myself is exceedingly encouraging because the reality is that I do not have control over all of my affairs. But I do not need control when God is pulling the reigns. He is he who will sustain me. He has made me and he will carry me; he will sustain me and he will rescue me.
Friday, April 29, 2011
He Hears My Cry
Psalm 145:18-19 -New International Version-
The Lord is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth. He fulfills the desires of all who fear him; he hears their cry and saves them.
The Lord is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth. He fulfills the desires of all who fear him; he hears their cry and saves them.
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